A Half Forgotten Flight of Fancy
by roseperpetual
Summary: Susan Pevensie lost Narnia three times, but the only time it mattered was the last. Pre-Last Battle.


Disclaimer: I do not own the Chronicles of Narnia.

**A Half-Forgotten Flight of Fancy, or Three Times Susan Pevensie Lost Narnia.**

01.

The first time is one of the biggest shocks of her life, rivaled only by when she stepped into a wardrobe and walked out to a snowy Narnia. To go from a beautiful and respected queen to an English child hiding from the housekeeper in an instant is startling. For a minute, Susan wonders if the past fifteen years were a vivid daydream all in her head. Yet that cannot be true. If it were, only she would remember and besides, the Professor knew exactly what they meant.

The Professor does not know what it was like to be royalty in one world and then to be ordinary in another, though. He could not understand all they had lost- great friends, splendid gowns of silk, glittering gemstones that she would otherwise only dream of owning, a lovely horse, and a most beautiful country. Most of all, he could not begin to comprehend the odd conundrum of a grown woman stuck in a girl of twelve's body.

Susan sighs and thinks that the Professor's words did help somewhat; anyway, she is not the only one with this problem. Her brothers and sister feel the same. She cannot imagine what she would have done without them. At least they could be morose together.

Later, when she tries to go back through the wardrobe, she finds only a smooth wooden wall. This does not surprise her in the least, but it was worth a try. She suspects that she will return to Narnia someday. For now, she bides the time by attempting to practice her archery and discussing her country- no, _their_ country- with Peter, Edmund, and Lucy. They swear never to forget Narnia.

While this does ease her pain a bit, it does not completely curb her disappointment of a lost dominion.

02.

She steps onto her train with Lucy, and she silently mourns for a land she will never see again. She could imagine that Aslan was not speaking the truth when he said that she and Peter could never return, but a figure as great as Aslan cannot lie to her. Edmund and Lucy would return to Narnia someday without her, she thinks enviously. Perhaps it would be one last visit for them also, perhaps not.

She was never any good at schoolwork. It bores her and is barely passable, especially after her Narnian adventures. Last year, she was once halfway done an essay before she knew that she was writing about politics in Narnia. Susan could tell you so many details about her country, which by this point have all blurred together, but not much about old English wars.

Whatever happened to all their Narnian friends? There was no time to ask Caspian or the others. It would have been fruitless as they were all long dead. She quickly wipes a stray tear from her eye as she thinks of her horse, her ladies-in-waiting, the Fauns and other talking animals they had all befriended, friends she would never see again.

Nonetheless, she cannot start crying on the train. Lucy would understand, but her friends that she has not seen since before the holidays would not. They might think her silly and immature. She does need something else to concentrate on; since school is not her forte, then she must stay with her friends. Peter, the only other one who would know how she felt, was headed miles away to a different school. She must learn to rely upon herself in circumstances such as these.

She decides to be sensible by remembering Narnia for what it is and enjoying her life ahead. She managed before; she could manage again.

03.

Years later, Susan sighs in annoyance as she applies her makeup. How childish were her brothers and sister to believe in that fantasy still! They even dragged that horrid Eustace and his friend into their silly game. Though Eustace had improved recently. She wonders if it could be from their daydreams. Lucy had looked so disappointed when she said what Narnia truly was. She scornfully brushes them aside, not meaning to dwell on such occurrences, as she gets ready. If she distracts herself too much, she may even get powder on her dress. That would be awful, and she does need to look like a queen tonight.

"But Su, we all promised never to forget Narnia. Don't you remember?" Edmund's words echo in her head. She rolls her eyes as she contemplates them. Really, she does remember. There is no way she could forget the funny dream world they created; they did swear never to forget it.

Some of what she recalls does seem too vivid to be just her imagination. She has fifteen years of half-forgotten memories about a country she once ruled. Half-forgotten flights of fancyf, she amends. It is amazing how strong their imaginations were as children. So strong, in fact, that she cannot remember when exactly she became sure that Narnia did not exist, though she can trace it back to her time in America.

Finishing her makeup with a few strokes of carefully applied pink lipstick, she reaches for a string of fine freshwater pearls, a Christmas present from her parents. She fastens the catch around her neck, wanting to look her best for this party. Without meaning to, she thinks of a time when the pearls were diamonds and when she would be the center of attention without trying. She doesn't know why she thinks of expensive, ostentatious, beautiful ropes of diamonds when a simple strand of pearls is all a girl needs.

Narnia is a half-forgotten flight of fancy. She has real things to worry about, like who would be there tonight or if she will accidentally step on someone's feet while dancing. The latter would be absolutely humiliating. No one ever lived down being known as a bad dancer.

There is no time for either Narnia or her worries now. Her beau will be here to pick her up any minute, and he hates to be kept waiting.

(She does not realize that, out of the three times she lost Narnia, this one hurts the least but means the most.)


End file.
